24 hours have since passed since Will Smith’s assault on comedian Chris Rock for the apparent slight at Smith’s wife. Now the dust is settling, people are starting to land on different sides of the issue, and of course the political pundits are pointing fingers at how one side champions the apparent “wrong” side, as though this event is somehow political.
I initially have stated that perhaps there is more to this issue than the dichotomy being presented that Smith is either a supreme gentleman, or the worst of masculinity.
My belief is that Smith may actually need help because he is deeply troubled by the relationship in which he finds himself. This opinion does leave room to conclude that Smith was wrong to do what he did, and that he should apologise deeply to those he hurt.
This does not mean he shouldn’t be helped, or deserves the cultural gulag that is the creation of cancel culture.
Smith is openly mocked – or at least has been – for his cuckoldry, and he has taken slings and arrows for agreeing to a lifestyle that questions his very manliness. I understand he has been betrayed before. If this decision with their open relationship was something with which he reluctantly agreed, especially for the sake of keeping the marriage together for their children, then his personal torment would be daily.
If you were brought up with traditional values, imagine feeling that your wife doesn’t cherish you in the same way that you cherish her. Imagine the empty feeling in knowing that your wife seeks the physical pleasure with people who aren’t yourself. But also imagine knowing that your objection to that is met with abuse, anger, and accusations to you that you are the actual abuser.
Imagine the daily torment of wondering if today is a day that your wife, your supposed best friend, wants to be anywhere but with you.
I do not know the world of cuckoldry, but I do know the feeling of having someone treat your affections with disinterest and disrespect. I know the feeling of being accused of performing horrendous abuse, when deep down you know that you’re the one being abused. But you stick it out, because you want to believe in your partner, and that they will respect you if you just give them enough.
I don’t presume to know everything about Smith’s situation, but I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, and I feel some of their situation lines up with what I understand and have experienced in an abusive relationship.
Was he wrong to strike Chris Rock? Absolutely. Should he have his award rescinded? If the Academy deems it so, then yes.
But I feel he needs help, and to sit with someone who will listen, without the presence of his wife in the room and without coercion.
I’m willing to concede that I might be wrong in my opinion – I don’t truly know Smith or Pinkett on any level, and they wouldn’t know me from anyone else in the street. I can admit that Smith might be absolutely okay with their marriage arrangements, and genuinely enthusiastic about the lifestyle. If that is the case I would definitely admit that I’ve got it wrong in my belief.
But I would definitely be the first person to reach a hand out to Smith and ask him if everything is okay.
Victims of abuse can feel alone. They feel trapped. No matter how much they do, how much they achieve, and how much they sacrifice for their partner, it is never enough. For me, Smith marks a number of identifiers for someone who is trapped like an abuse victim. The fact that he seemed amused at the joke before realising that Pinkett wasn’t, the over-ambition to become the greatest actor, the willingness to agree to allow his wife all the freedom of singlehood.
From the clip, Smith is visibly upset following the now-infamous strike on Rock, and his weeping while accepting the award wasn’t the kind of crying I’d expect of someone overwhelmed with their victory, but someone deeply upset at what had happened.
If I am wrong, then fine. I am wrong.
But if I’m right, then I ask Will Smith: Do you need help and are you okay?